If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
