if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
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