do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
