I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
