His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
