I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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