dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
