who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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