my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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