I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize