hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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