I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she told me i tasted like america
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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