If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
