I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
