FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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