i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
