i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
