this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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