thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
