This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
