I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
