matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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