we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
