I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize