When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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