Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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