U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
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