i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
