We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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