ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
