if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
