By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
