weddingsv make me drug and hornr
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
