need another drink. this is the easiest way
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
