i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
