I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
