I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
