I hope mine doesn't look like that
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
