I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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