At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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