quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Be still, my beating vagina.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
