I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
