Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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