you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
