Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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