i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
did you just send me my own nude
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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