last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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