I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
