Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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