shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize