some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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