I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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