You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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