I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
