I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
