i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
