woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
