Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
someone owes me an orgasm
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
