problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
you would pick up someone in the library
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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