new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
