im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
