Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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